God has a sense of humour. This I know to be true.
As I indicated in my last post, February 18th started out as any other day off with my hubby. The plan: to have a day of frivolous fun in the beautiful sunshine. God, however, had other plans.
In the quiet majesty of the Westminster Abbey chapel, we felt God’s presence. Both of us were carrying burdens and concerns from life, and when confronted with the stillness of the chapel it became apparent to us that God had drawn us to this place for a reason. Our desire had been to put those burdens out of our minds that day, but the Lord had other plans.
For me, the past few months had been a roller coast of emotions and decisions to make about life, God’s will for me, and our plans to pursue adoption. I was overwhelmed with the pros and cons list I had formed in my mind for the decisions before me. The peaceful atmosphere of the abbey’s chapel forced me to slow down, and compelled me to sit and be still before the Lord. As I prayed, I unloaded the things that had been on my heart and quietly asked God for wisdom. Then I waited, and in stillness I heard Him speak. His word to me? “Let it go.”
“Let it go?” I asked Him. “Yes, let it go. Let me worry about what lies ahead. Let it go and let Me be God.”
As I accepted this and allowed myself to truly let go of all I’d been hanging on to, the peace that was so present in that chapel seemed to fill my soul. I looked around me at the beautiful stained glass, stone carved saints, and simple altar and felt a calmness that cannot be described in words. I left that chapel that afternoon with a new spring in my step. No, I didn’t have any answers to any of the questions and decisions I was wrestling with. But, I left that day knowing that God, in His perfect time, would reveal His plan. All I had to do, was let it go.
We arrived home late that afternoon more rested than ever before, and settled down for a quiet evening to absorb all that had happened. As my hubby threw some burgers on the BBQ, I ran upstairs to change. Stopping in the bathroom to relieve my bladder for what seemed like the 100th time that day, I noticed in the cupboard a pregnancy test we’d bought months ago on a whim. Without even thinking I grabbed it… and then spend the next 20 minutes staring at it in disbelief.
The words “let it go” ran through my mind as I finally composed myself enough to run downstairs. After 10 years of marriage, and 100% conviction that adoption was our only option, I had to laugh at God’s sense of humour. How silly my worrying and sleepless nights must have seemed to Him in light of what He had planned. Suddenly all the decisions that had loomed before me, were meaningless. The Lord had a new adventure for me all along… all I had to do was “let go” and let Him be God.